“Dear Sabeeha, I’m sure you’ve seen this. What do you think of it?”
I hadn’t seen it.
A colleague of mine, a dear friend, had sent me a text on Facebook Messenger first thing in the morning, with a link to a piece in the New York Times: ‘How Do I Know Where Your Socks Are?’ A photo of Pakistani women in green against an orange and bright yellow sky, moon rising, palm trees, holding bright red, yellow and green placards proclaiming #MeToo, Freedom over Fear, Apna Time Aagaya Hai (Our Time Has Come), and a side-by-side purple poster with a green inscription in Urdu on the watermark of a man’s profile: How Do I Know Where Your Socks Are?
Aaah! International Woman’s Day. The Aurat March.
Just yesterday my husband was telling me about the controversy over the upcoming Women’s March in Pakistan. Women were being threatened with violence by the religious right.
I clicked. I read. I felt the blood rush to my face.
Men tearing down posters, asserting: men are guardians of women.
What are they afraid of?
A female panelist on TV stated: “My Body; My Choice”; a male journalist retorted: “A man would not spit on your body.”
Why a such vitriolic outburst?
It gets worse. Excuse my French. But the only way I can repeat what I read is to Copy & Paste from Mr. Mohammad Hanif’s piece:
“But really, what has had the patriarchy drop all pretense of civility is a placard that asked men to keep to themselves selfies of their penises. “Lahol wala …” was the reaction of a senior journalist on live television as he started to recite a prayer that’s meant to ward off Satan. Then he went on to proclaim that the slogan was a violation of his basic human rights and the judiciary should take action.
Yet look into the inbox of any woman in public life, and you will see a lot of unsolicited pictures of men’s genitalia or references to it. And for a young woman to hold up a placard saying to stop doing that is seen as a threat to the national moral order.”
It cannot get worse. Please, let it not get worse!
Ladies, fight back. These selfies are meant to intimidate you. You know that. But be careful. Don’t let the super-enthusiast in your fold swing your golden pendulum too far. I am on your side, but as your big sister, a word of caution: Last year, you held up a poster: Womanspreading. I get your point, but if manspreading offends me, so does womanspreading. You will be effective if your image projects strength through dignity. You want to get to a place where this ‘mardange’ culture is put to rest; where man will pick up after his socks because his father taught him to clean up after him- in which case he will know where to find them; will darn his socks because his mother taught him to darn; will hang up his shirts because he sees that as his responsibility; and offer to watch baby while you head off to a meeting because he sees you as an equal and respects your right to achieve your potential; all of that for the reasons I just stated, and not because you ‘said so.’
How do you get ‘man’ to get there? Focus your energy on the parents. They are your audience; they raise the men of tomorrow, particularly the mothers—and you are in a unique position because you have access to the moms. You are less likely to change the mind of a 35-year old man, but if you can get the parents to inculcate these values in their sons, your little girls will thank you.
Am I being preachy? For sure. But I am on your side. I want you to win.
March on, my sisters. I will be cheering you.
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