It freaked me out.
Several years ago, I formed a WhatsApp chat group with twelve girl friends from my college days in Pakistan. Once together in the master’s program in English Literature, we are now scattered all over the world, from Pakistan to Singapore, US and Canada. In the Age of Retirement, we have rekindled our friendship, sharing stuff on WhatsApp that friends share, personal photos, videos run viral, hearts poured out, laughter and tears. . . you know the routine.
A week ago one morning, as I swiped on my phone and went into the chat group, there was a video posting forwarded by—I will call her Nadia.
I freaked out.
Nadia had been dead for a year.
Nadia lived in Pakistan. On her passing, we friends had gathered on Zoom and held a dua prayer for her, mourned her, and celebrated her life. In our hearts, we had laid her to rest. That afternoon I went through old photos, seeking her out and reflecting on where our destinies had taken us. We were all arranged into marriages, some happy, some unhappy resulting in divorce. Those who stayed in Pakistan pursued careers in academia, some rising to the rank of Principal, one achieved stardom as a news broadcaster on Pakistan TV, one an ob/gyn doctor, and a few choose to be homemakers. Over the years half of my friends were widowed. And we are losing one another. One succumbed to a stroke five years ago, and last year we lost Nadia.
Now she was back, ghost writing. Since I in my infinite wisdom do not believe in ghosts, I kicked up a virtual storm and started scrolling, posting, and swiping:
Post: “Ladies, someone is using Nadia’s account.”
Reply: “Must be a family member.”
I did what I should have done a year ago. I deleted Nadia from the WhatsApp group.
Post: “When I die, you won’t be able to remove my name because I am the group administrator. So I suggest that each of you remove your own names (that you can do), and then start a new chat group.”
Reply: “…depressing talk…”
I ranted and raved with my husband Khalid:
“Best case scenario: a member of Nadia’s family—a very nice person—has her phone. The device is not password protected. Or perhaps this trusted person knows her password. Whoever it is, is now using Nadia’s phone and HER ACCOUNT for his/her personal use. One day this person receives a video on the phone that he/she wants to share with the world, scrolls through the WhatsApp groups and hits ‘Forward’ to all groups. Indiscriminately. No harm done. It’s just a benign, useless video. I didn’t even care to open it.”
In case you are wondering, it was a YouTube video interview on how to teach your brain to get what you really want. But that’s not the point, so allow me to continue with my rant:
“Worst case scenario: Who knows who has Nadia’s phone and now has access to all her contacts, the personal chats in her WhatsApp, her photos, her emails, her everything; as well as our conversations in the Chat. This person, with all unworthy intentions will have a ball messing up people’s lives. In this expanding universe, the sky has no limits. Even though I have removed Nadia from the WhatsApp group, he/she can still access all prior chats which date back several years. It’s a matter of Nadia’s privacy, and our privacy.”
I am still trying to figure out how to set up auto-delete for my WhatsApp messages beyond three months.
Do you think I am overreacting? What if I was the dead person and some bad guy (or girl) had my phone. I’d rather over-react than have my life in the wrong hands, literally. My phone has my life in it, and so does yours. And let’s not lose sight of the very worst-case scenario: Identity Theft.
What the inheritor of the phone should have done is disable Nadia’s SIM card and get their own phone number. Simple as that! Why didn’t he/she do that? Laziness? Didn’t care? Didn’t realize that it’s an invasion of privacy?
So here is what I suggest:
1. Password protect your phone.
2. Give careful thought to who you share your password with.
3. Back up your phone in the Cloud.
4. Have a conversation with your loved one: “Dearly beloved, when the time comes, please delete my phone account and cut up the SIM card.”
5. If you want whoever to access your data in the Cloud, set it up. There are many resources on the internet, and if you subscribe to The Wall Street Journal, here is guide: The iPhone Feature to Turn On Before You Die.
Any other suggestions? I could use your help.
Meanwhile, enjoy your chats. Friends are forever. Some even forever ‘after.’
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