Today is our grandson Omar’s birthday. While I reminisce over the last 20 years, how far Omar has brought us, the places he has taken us, how he changed our lives—and I will get to that later—I am also looking forward to another birthday. A birthday that changed the world forever.
On October 19, Muslims around the world will commemorate the birthday of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him). We call it Eid Milad un Nabi. Actually, it’s on the 12th day of the month of Rabi ul Awal, the third month in the Muslim Hijra calendar. And this year, it happens to fall on Oct.19. You do know that the Muslim calendar is based on the lunar cycle, hence the days shift ten days early each year.
Imagine my surprise when way back in the 1980s, I called the offices of one of the mosques in Brooklyn, inviting them to our mosque for Eid Milad un Nabi, and heard the woman at the other end say:
“We don’t celebrate the prophet’s birthday.”
Why not! And what does she mean by ‘we.’ Is there a group out there, as in the congregation of this mosque that holds the belief that one should not celebrate the prophet’s birthday?
Too intimidated to ask, I wished her a good day and hung up.
When I was growing up in Pakistan, Eid Milad un Nabi was a big deal, but different in flavor from Christmas. Ladies would gather in the homes—I say ladies because men would gather in mosques and do their own thing, and since women did not go to the mosque, this was their thing. Anyhow, my mother would spend the morning re-arranging the furniture in the living room, moving the sofas against the wall to create floor space, cover the carpet with embroidered spreads and cushions, place a coffee table in the center, light up incense, sprinkle rose water, and be ready to welcome her guests. We called the gathering a Milad, which means birth. Women would take their place on the carpet, and one of the women would lead the ceremony. She had a Milad book with her, and would read out stories of the prophet’s birth, his attributes, his message, interspersed with songs in praise of Allah and the prophet. Women would join in chorus on cue, sending blessing on the prophet. We would end with a poetic prayer, sung by the lead lady, and then there was food and chatter. We loved the Milad.
When I went away to college, I was delighted to learn that the tradition of Milad was very much a part of it’s calendar. I joined the group of ‘leading ladies’ to sing poetic renderings, the naat. And then I brought that tradition with me to New York. It became an annual ritual at the mosque and I beamed with joy seeing our sons sing naats and relate stories of the prophet. It was in one of those years that I had reached out to mosques in the metro area to invite them to our Milad.
I would learn later that the Wahhabi sect of Muslims do not celebrate the prophet’s birthday. Fine. People have a right to their beliefs and practices. Live and let live.
That was the 1980s. Fast forward to 2019. I end up in a small mosque that I have never been to before. Long story. Anyhow, the imam is giving a sermon and says, “You should not adopt the western ways such as celebrating birthdays, mothers day, or fathers day.”
That bothered me. I came home and told Khalid. My husband wrote to the imam, complaining. The imam invited us for an audience. And it came to pass that Khalid and I presented ourselves in his office.
I made my case: celebrating birthdays brings joy into our homes, we celebrate the day God blessed us with our child, a parent, a friend, or whoever, so why forbid celebrating a joyous occasion! God urges us in the Quran to honor our parents. When a man approached the prophet and asked him what are the three things he should do to win God’s favor, the prophet replied: “Respect your mother.” The second thing? “Respect your mother.” The third thing? “Respect your father.” Mothers Day and Fathers Day are just that, another way of conferring respect on your parents. Yes, everyday should be a mothers day, yet making one day special, makes it more special.
The imam heard me out. When I was done, he made his case: the prophet’s life is an example for us to follow; he never celebrated his birthday, nor did he ask anyone to celebrate mothers or fathers day; you don’t need to fix one day a year to honor your parents, you should be doing it year round. I have told my children and under no circumstances can they celebrate their birthday.
I had spoken; he listened. He had spoken; I listened. We thanked him for his time and said our goodbyes. Khalid who had stayed quiet during this conversation, came home and wrote to the imam. He thanked him for his time, and said:
“When I told my sons that the prophet never celebrated his birthday, their response was, ‘The prophet never rode in a car, or a subway; nor did he wear jeans.’”
That was that story.
Two weeks from today, on 19 October (12 Rabi ul Awal), I will reflect on prophet Muhammad’s pious life, immerse myself in the beauty of a melodious naat, and pray that his message of harmony, pluralism, and social justice endures.
Meanwhile, today I am celebrating Omar’s birthday; Omar, who changed our lives forever. It was a blessed day when he came into our life 20 years ago. Omar introduced us to the world of autism, opening our hearts and minds to the struggles of families with disabilities and special needs, motivated us to embrace the challenge, to advocate for and serve families affected by autism; and to see the world through the lens of compassion.
Happy Birthday, Omar.
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