This morning Saqib, my firstborn, sent me flowers for Mother’s Day. My thoughts went back to the day he was born. I went through my treasure chest and found the letter I had written to my mother in Pakistan when I had been a mother for just 4 days, telling her what it felt like to become a mom, to give birth far away from home with no family around, a young 20-year-old new immigrant in New York in the early 1970s. Mummy had saved all my letters and after she passed away, I retrieved them, all wrapped in ribbon, and brought them back full circle.
Dear readers, that was the age of snail mail, no overseas phone calls, no digital photography, no email; and when Pampers were a luxury. Here is an excerpt.
October 7, 1972
My dearest mummy,
I can’t believe it. I just can’t. When the nurse came and showed me the little bundle, I couldn’t believe it, and holding him I felt so odd that I quickly handed him back to her. Well, now I am home and feeling good. Saqib is the most beautiful boy to be born after Hazrat Yusuf [prophet Joseph]. Unlike newborns I had seen, he has his eyes open all the time, moves his head and looks around. He has very big eyes, like his father. He is light-skinned skin and lying in the nursery among all the American babies, looks like them, other than his tuft of jet black hair. He is 21 inches long. When he closes his eyes, he looks so innocent and when he sighs, he looks so helpless that my heart goes out to him. Babies are such a blessing.
Only a few days before he arrived had we decided on a name: Saqib if a boy, Sehr if a girl. His pediatrician tried to pronounce his name, and after a few tries said, “I guess I will call him Sam.”
Here they have two methods of childbirth: natural and painless. Natural is the one practiced all over the world, but in painless childbirth, they put you to sleep and you come around after the baby is born. I had decided on natural childbirth because I didn’t want to miss the experience. It was midnight when the contractions came, but they were so mild that we weren’t even sure if they were real contractions. You won’t believe what your daughter did next. She went back to sleep for 4 ½ hours. Ever heard of a girl sleeping for 4 hours during contractions. At 5 am we started timing them. They were 4 minutes apart lasting 30 seconds. Following doctor’s instructions, we timed them for an hour, dozing and chatting. I felt no pain. At this point we were supposed to call the doctor, but we felt why bother him at 6:00 am. We let another half hour go and when we did call the answering service told us to go straight to the hospital. We took our time and when we got to there, the whole team was waiting for me and rushed me through the paperwork and into the labor room. The doctor had been waiting and I got a scolding for being late. “It’s 7 o’clock now, and it’s just a question of 2 or 3 hours,” he said. I couldn’t believe it, because I was feeling no pain. He told Khalid to go to the cafeteria, get some coffee and he will call him at 10 o’clock. Then he told me that he is going to put me to sleep because he doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable. By now the pains had started and I chickened out of the natural childbirth option.
The next thing I know is that Khalid is standing by my bedside trying to wake me up.
“Bia, wake up. The baby has come. A boy.”
How could the baby have come without my knowing. That’s not how babies come, that you are having a nice sleep and your prince charming wakes you up saying, ‘baby has come.’ As if the stork brought the baby. But that is the way it is here in America. I hope this method starts in Pakistan too. Khalid was in the cafeteria when the doctor called him. He came running upstairs and was so overcome with joy that he was speechless, tears in his eyes. He dashed home, sent you a telegram, and then called all my friends in New York. “Hello, this is Khalid. We have had a son.” My friends called me at the hospital and were telling me that Khalid was so excited he could hardly contain himself. Then he sent me the most beautiful red roses.
Khalid gave the Adhan in Saqib’s ear. We had him circumcised on the 3rd day. Like us, Jews also have this tradition. God has been so kind to me. Throughout my pregnancy I had no problem, I carried so small that I expected Saqib to be no more than 6 pounds. He weighed 7-11.
This hospital is the best in New York. It was so good that I decided to overstay and come home on the weekend when Khalid would be home. You know what? The hospital made me take a shower the next day. No chatti*, just a doosri**. I can’t imagine how women could do without a shower for six day. They also made me walk saying that if I didn’t, I will get blood clots in my legs. No Pakistani post-partum bed rest for me. But I felt o.k.
Now don’t show this letter to anyone. Just mother-to-daughter talk. I have been missing you all so much, and the thought that you must be yearning to hold Saqib makes me feel more homesick. I hope I can come soon and share this bundle of happiness with everyone. Khalid has been taking photographs all day and as soon as the role of film finishes and Khalid has them developed, we will mail them to you.
Khalid has taken over as house husband. When I came home today, I was greeted by a spic and span house, the bedroom warmed up, everything in place, so that all I had to do was put Saqib in the crib and sit on the sofa like a queen, while Khalid gave me the royal treatment. I was served tea, he cooked lunch, and is now getting dinner ready. All I have been doing is sitting, eating, sleeping, and feeding Saqib. Saqib has been sleeping like a baby, so that I have to wake him up to feed him. I am nursing him. So far I have changed his diapers twice. I felt quite nervous doing that because he kicks a lot and I am afraid the safety pin*** may hurt him, so Khalid helped me. I am using Pampers, which are disposable diapers. This way I don’t have to wash soiled diapers. The hospital gave me some water for him. It comes in sterilized bottles with nipples attached. They are disposable. Khalid has been waking him up to play with him. Already he is waiting for him to grow up so that he can play boxing with him.
God has been so kind. Even the timing was perfect i.e. being in the hospital during weekdays, and home for the weekend.
How does it feel to be a grandparent? I am longing to see you and Daddy in the role of grandparents. I wonder if you will look any different. I can hardly believe that my young mummy and daddy are actually grandparents. Isn’t that wonderful! I am longing to be with you all and show Saqib off to everyone. It’s the most wonderful thing, to have a baby to love and care for, and watch him grow. I still can’t believe I have a baby. Surah Maryam and Yusuf couldn’t have had a better effect.****
How is Dadi Amma? She is now a great-grandmother. Oh, how I am missing you all. The most wonderful thing has happened to me and I am away from everyone. But I will be there soon, InshAllah.
It’s all over now—the period of waiting—and now a new phase begins. If I can be half as good as you were to me as parents and friends, I’ll consider myself a very successful mother, and my son a very lucky boy.
Give my love to Daddy and Salman. Salman is an uncle now.
Lots of love,
Yours, Bia.
*Chatti is the 6th day after birth, when the mother is allowed to take a bath.
**Doosri is the Urdu word for second day.
***This was before they had tapes for the diapers.
****During my pregnancy, I would recite the chapter of Mary in the Quran, praying for a birth as easy Mary’s; and the chapter of Joseph, praying that my child be as beautiful as prophet Joseph.
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