And why should weddings be left behind.
This spring, we had not one, but two family Nikahs on Zoom. If that is a new term for you, Nikah is Urdu for ‘Muslim Marriage’—the religious ceremony, that is.
Khalid and I were congratulating his sister on her daughter Irsa’s engagement. They live in Canada.
“We are thinking of having the wedding once the Corona pandemic is over,” she said.
“Listen to me,” I put on my Big-Sister hat. “No one knows when this will subside. Why keep them in limbo. Do the Nikah on Zoom.” As the elder of the family, I have clout. That’s just the Pakistani culture we brought with us. I have no intention of letting go of that privilege.
“O.K. we can arrange for it in the mosque.”
“No need. Just do it at home. It is safer.”
This of course was a phone conversation.
“O.K.” She is so agreeable. “I will speak to the imam and see if he is willing to come to the house and perform the ceremony.”
“No need. Khalid can perform the Nikah over Zoom. He has performed four Nikahs of family members. Islamically, you don’t need an imam to perform the religious ceremony; anyone can perform it. All that is required is: Consent of the woman and the man; two adult witnesses for each of them; Mahr—a monetary gift that the man bestows on the woman to honor her; and a signed marriage contract. That’s it. You need no more than four adults in the room to witness the consent and signing. Keep the group as small as you can.”
“O.K. Let me talk to Irsa.” After all, it’s her marriage. Her and Russell’s.
“Ask her to call us. We can answer any questions for her.”
Mind you, I had not even consulted Khalid when I offered him up as the officiant. But after 48 years of marriage, we kind of understand one another.
Did Irsa go along with it? She did. And from that point onwards, she took over. Good for her! Khalid emailed her a template of the nikah document—the marriage contract—She and Russell customized it, entered the mahr amount, filled in the blanks, and emailed it to Khalid. She emailed the Zoom invite to family and friends, and all was set.
“Stand up. I want to see what you are wearing,” I asked her as we all gathered on her wedding day—on Zoom. “Back away from the camera; I want to see the full length of you.”
She looked radiant. Her wavy brown hair cascading over her shoulder; the pale-blue gown with a hint of glitter with a vertical row of pearls on the upper half, looked lovely on her. She did beautifully with her dress, makeup and hairdo considering that many Desi businesses were closed. Russel looked handsome in a dark suit and checkered grey necktie. They had met on the volley-ball court and decided they made a good team. From six feet away, her mom and Dad waved; from the other side of the room, his mom and Dad introduced themselves. A wedding party of six. The Zoom boxes started lighting up with familiar names, and some new names announcing the growing family.
Irsa emceed the ceremony. “We are ready to start. Thank you all for joining us. Now Khalid Mamoon will perform the nikah.” Mamoon is Urdu for mother’s brother. Everyone, did you read what I just wrote? The bride emceed the ceremony! Isn’t that a wow! Gloria Steinem, wish you were there.
For the benefit of Russell’s parents–it was their first participation in a Nikah—Khalid gave a brief introduction on the rituals of the Nikah, and quoted from the Quran:
And among His signs are that He created for you wives from among yourselves that you may rest in them and He has made affection and mercy among you. Truly in that are certainly signs for a folk who reflect. 30:21
“…your wives are a garment for you and you are a garment for them.” 2:187
He asked Irsa if she will accept Russell in marriage, and the agreed upon Mahr. She said Yes, with a glowing smile. He asked Russell if he will accept Irsa in marriage and the agreed upon Mahr. He said Yes, smiling and nodding. Khalid asked them to sign the contract in the presence of the witnesses; maintaining social distances, the witnesses signed. Khalid said a prayer for the couple, for them to find joy and comfort in one another, to have a blissful life together; and the rest I don’t remember because I had started to cry.
Khalid is not an officiant. They would now have to go to City Hall and have a civil ceremony to be ‘legally’ married. But now that they are married in God’s eyes, they can be together. Mom and Dad gave them a send-off, and they are living happily ever after. MashAllah.
Two weeks later, Khalid’s brother called. His son had gotten engaged and were having a Zoom wedding.
I have been thinking about the two Zoom-y weddings.
On one hand:
Totally stress free.
No setting the date that everyone in both families, all over the world, is happy about. No dealing with: “I can’t come in June; I have already booked my vacation to Thailand.”
No running around checking out venues. Too far, too small, too expensive. . . .
No fretting over the centerpieces, the D.J. . . .
No pouring over invitations: should it have a Desi touch, should it be a fusion?
No food tasting at the caterers; fussing over the menu.
No painful table seating arrangements: she dated him once; these two don’t get along; she insisted: make sure you don’t seat me with THEM; this couple doesn’t speak English; they don’t understand Urdu. . . .
No Expense;
And family from Pakistan attended by just logging on; no visas or airline bookings required.
On the other hand:
Doesn’t every girl dream of her wedding day, as in: the gown, the flowers, walking down the aisle on her father’s arm, bridesmaids trailing, cutting the cake, the first dance, the laughter of girlfriends, the warm embraces of family she hasn’t met in years, the sound of music, and throwing the bouquet?
And the groom? I haven’t been in their shoes, so guys, chime in. What would you have missed if you had been Zoomed into marriage?
Yet, isn’t there something to be said about keeping it simple. Hmmm!
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