Sahar Husain graciously agreed to an interview
Sahar, how old were you when you started wearing the hijab?
I was 43. It’s been three years now.
You grew up in Pakistan and came to the US in 2002. Clearly you did not wear the headscarf while living in Pakistan. Did your mother wear the hijab?
No, she didn’t.
When did you start considering wearing the hijab?
My journey began without my realizing it. It was twenty years ago. I had joined the AlHuda course full-time in Pakistan. We had to wear a white scarf in class. It was then that I realized that I loved wearing it. Then I got engaged. My fiancé, knowing that I was enrolled in Al-Huda, said to me, “No hijab.” I agreed, we got married and we came to the US.
So for the next 17 years or so, no hijab.
Correct. Fourteen years later I again joined the Al-Huda course, on-line this time. In reading the Quran, I felt the urge to wear the hijab, but I was not ready. Then the pandemic happened and we went into hibernation. COVID plus the absence of external influences provided me the time to reflect and to start wearing the hijab.
Then one day you started wearing it?
No, it was a step-by-step process. At first I wore it in private and I did not tell my immediate family.
Immediate family as in your husband and children?
Yes.
Wow! How did you do that?
At first it did not happen deliberately. I would go out for a walk by myself, and as a protective layering against the cold, I would wrap a winter scarf around my head. I realized that it was giving me a feeling of the hijab and I loved the feeling. Then when I would join my on-line class, I felt mildly guilty for not wearing the hijab. In that first month, I didn’t tell my family. I wanted to explore it myself; I wanted it to be a personal decision, and I wanted to feel my love for God. When taking my walks, I noticed that no one was looking at me. After 10-15 days, I spoke to my husband and told him that I was thinking about wearing the hijab.
What was his reaction?
He said, OK.
But he was opposed to it initially, before you got married.
Yes. COVID had impacted him tremendously and he had started reflecting and reading the Quran. I said to him, “Don’t support me for your love for me. Support me for your love of Allah. Read these verses in the Quran in surah Nur and then lets talk. Take a week to think about it.”
At first he didn’t say anything. I told him that I do need an answer from him because my decision would impact the family. A week went by. And he said yes.
You proposed, and he said ‘Yes.’ I love it.
He not only said yes, he gave me his full support, and he is doing that for love of Allah.
Then you started wearing the hijab?
Not yet. I had to bring my children along. My daughter Farah was 15, my son Fahad 10. We spoke with the kids.
What did they say?
They totally surprised me.
“What’s the big deal?” they said.
“Absolutely do it.”
“You will look so pretty.”
I was amazed at their confidence. It was a beautiful moment in my life.
That is so interesting that your husband had to think this through, and your children were spontaneous in their endorsement. What do you attribute that to?
The credit goes to their school, influence of the grandparents, their Islamic school, and to the United States of America. Also they have read the Quran with translation from the beginning at a very young age so I think that was the most influential factor in their support.
Yes. Only in America.
You know, I used to get my hair blow-dried twice a week.
Really!
Yes. That is what I would splurge on. For me to then hide my hair was a very different experience. I knew that I had to be happy and comfortable coming forward and I wanted it to be the right experience when I met people for the first time. I did not tell my family or friends because I didn’t want influences from outside.
Before I ask you about your first coming out in the hijab, tell me, how did you figure out how to wear it. Did someone give you lessons?
Oh yes, I got lessons for sure. And from my daughter Farah, no less.
Farah knew how to wear a hijab?
No, but she knows Instagram. She introduced me to a hijabi blog on Instagram which displayed multiple styles. Farah’s Quran teacher’s daughter, who looks gorgeous in the hijab, was one of the bloggers, was over the moon and taught me how to wear one. I tried different styles—I wanted to be happy, I wanted to look good and feel beautiful. Then I announced it to my sisters. One is a doctor, the other an MBA.
Do they wear the hijab?
Like me, they too had started wearing it in their 40s. After that I told my father-in-law who was happy for me. When I told my nieces—some wear it, some don’t—one of them sent me a package with instructions. Other told me of websites where one can get hijab accessories. I found myself surrounded by a community of people who were helping me in this transition. I was trying on different hijabs, practicing on Facetime.
When did Day 1 come?
It came on Eid, 2020. COVID was still lingering, and I met up with my best friend in Central Park, social distancing. I wanted to look nice and happy and put on a necklace. I didn’t want to be too strict with myself. Some people revert back when they are too strict. I knew that I was entering a different world and would be vulnerable in the initial stages. God helps you in those stages.
Was your friend surprised?
She was completely supportive and praised me for it. I then took it a step further. I am not active on Social Media, but I went ahead and posted a family photo in Central Park. My friends tell me that I have become more beautiful.
Your Muslim friends tell you that?
Both Muslim and friends of other faiths. And I do feel more beautiful.
What do you say to your non-Muslim friends when they ask you about your reason for wearing the hijab?
It is my love for my God, a reflection of that love. God asks us for modesty reasons, focus from outer beauty to inner beauty and strengths. Wearing a hijab is extremely empowering for me. It is an expression of my independent choice as a woman.
Have you experienced hostility, discrimination, or micro-aggression in the public square?
I have not felt it. On the contrary, I have been given so much respect on the road. People will say Salaam to me. I am Board Member of the Community Board 8 and Co-Chair its Environment Committee. I feel that respect for me has increased.
How do you see Muslim women who don’t wear the hijab?
It’s a matter of choice. It’s not for me to judge anyone. It’s a small part of our faith that is highlighted too much. Conversations are all about who is wearing it and who isn’t. We all show our love for God in our own ways, and this is just one. People who are not wearing hijab feel that hijabis are judging them, and the reverse. Both sides should reflect on this. Don’t put people in the ‘other’ bracket. Don’t put hijabis in a box: they are strict, don’t have fun, etc. Wearing hijab doesn’t prevent me from doing fun stuff, as long as it is within boundaries. We need to respect our diversity. We need to consciously self-correct. If we don’t, we are creating a divide amongst ourselves. Division weakens us and unity strengthens us.
Sahar Husain is one of the co-founders of Muslim Volunteers for New York (MV4NY)
Many thanks to Sahar for sharing her personal story.
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